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Eight Months, a Year

Today marks eight months since my boyfriend and I started dating and we’ve known each other for a year. For that reason, here are a couple poems I wrote for him/us in that time.

The last poem, “A Reason to Live and to Love” contains mention of suicidal thoughts.

“I Regret Not Being Rich”

25 July 2018

If I didn’t need money

I wouldn’t have said

That I would work today

But as it is

I do and wish

That wasn’t true

Because I would

Still be with my boyfriend

Instead of walking

For four hours straight

 

“Love Like Fantasy”

7 May 2018

It doesn’t feel real,

it’s too good to be true.

No way is this real life,

you’re too good to be mine.

How did I find you

and get so lucky

for us both to have

fallen so hard in love?

There’s no escape

nor do I wish to find one.

I’m still reveling

in the day to day

the realization that it’s real,

You love me,

I love you.

I’m yours and you’re mine.

But how?

It’s like in the storybooks,

the prince finds the princess

and they fall in love

and seem so perfect for each other.

A match made in heaven.

We fit together so well

and agree on so much,

it’s very much like

we were destined to be!

Adn the crazy coincidence

that led to us meeting at all.

I can’t help but feel

Ours is a love like fantasy

but I’m so glad it’s real.

 

“A Reason to Live and to Love”

10 February 2018

You warm my soul;

I thought I was dead inside

But you bring me back to life.

I was aching and dying

If not already dead

But you brought in a focus that was lighter instead.

The dark night of searching for reasons to live,

You’re on my list of deeply caring friends.

I have so many problems with no solutions in sight

But with you,

More things seem at least alright.

Mystical Warriors: My Novel-in-Progress

Disclaimer: This project is on a temporary haitus as I adjust to my workload with Praxis, running this blog, running Over the Invisible Wall, and working more hours at Walmart. I will be finishing it. I will come back to it.

I mentioned Mystical Warriors in a post last month. I shared how far I was into writing this to-be novel. Since then I have shared two backstory pieces, Thief!, and Befriending Vinny (parts one and two).

What I neglected to do, however, was share a bit about the novel and what the story even is. Today, I am going to fix that.

Mystical Warriors is the working title of the project and is the same name as a video game in the story world. One half of the setting is a fictional version of the real world. The other half is inside the video game.

Mara Williamson, James Richards, Drake Meltzin, and Vinny Kituma are four long time friends who live in the same neighborhood and go to the same school. It was a normal Friday afternoon comprised of homework and video games at Mara’s house after school. Until it wasn’t. Unexpectedly, the four friends find themselves inside the video game, Mystical Warriors. How will they return to the real world and their lives?

When I started this story, I knew it bore basic similarities to the manga and anime Sword Art Online. At the same time, I had the idea that led to this story long before I knew anything about anime.

About ten to twelve years ago, my aunt and uncle went on vacation to France. During that time, my two cousins stayed at my family’s house for the week. I invented a LARP-like game, as is common for children to do, with almost the same premise as Mystical Warriors. My cousins had to beat the video game to return to the real world, but they were brought into the video game to help out the people and various creatures solve some problem. For Mystical Warriors, being in the video game is the problem.

That is the gist of the project. If you have any questions, comment below and I’ll answer as best I can so long as it will not spoil the story to do so.

Recap: Legends and Losers Ep 181

This is a new series of posts called Recap. In it I will share my notes on the content I consumed followed by my response. The content could vary from a podcast, to an article, to a Youtube video, to a book I read. When applicable, I will link to the content.

I recently listened to episode 181 of Christopher Lochhead’s podcast Legends and Losers, “Digital Body of Work.” Lochhead shares his thoughts on episode 170, where he interviewed Isaac Morehouse, the founder of Praxis. I plan on listening to that episode soon, and will share my thoughts on it when I do.

Notes:

Morehouse really pushes this idea that you should be your own credential; college is buying it, today we should be our own.

What happens when someone googles you? See what happens.

What happens after we get googled is critical. People look online to find out about you.

Being a podcast guest is a good way for authors and thought leaders to get their name out.

Do you blog, post on social networks, podcast, have you written a book? Even if it’s not a best seller, you put in the work to put something valuable out there.

Are you on Quora? What are you doing on other social networks? What are you sharing? Are you contributing content? Do you have a TED or TEDx talk? Are your speeches available online?

Also, what are people saying about you? Are you featured somewhere?

Response:

As someone who is going to go through Praxis, I definitely think that Isaac Morehouse is right about a lot of things concerning the new job market. I also think the Praxis approach is valuable, especially as an aspiring author.

Presence is important. The community and the response to my work is important. It’s easy to think about all the various online communities I could be part of and think, “If only I had more time, I’d work on my presence there.” And in some cases, time can be an issue. If I’m spending too much time on Facebook or Discord or Quora, in excess of doing other things that are more important at the time, then it’s my fault I don’t have enough time. On the flip side, if I don’t have enough time because I’m really actually working, that’s a bit different.

Between my cowriter Justine and I for Over the Invisible Wall, we are not ready to add Twitter to our social media. We already manage the Facebook page on our own and we both have a lot of other responsibilities other that our shared blog. But for just a few extra minutes, I could make a personal Twitter and share my personal blog posts and maybe reach some people who aren’t on Facebook.

A lot of my friends aren’t necessarily taking the same steps I am now to improve their online presence and such. At least in part because of that, I don’t have a lot of social proof. I want to have people respond to my blog, or to guest write on a different blog, etc. to do that better. For now, though, I have a lot I’m working on and I’m adjusting to the workload I set on myself and balancing it with what I do for money.

“11 PM” (Poem)

I’ve been struggling to get back into writing poetry every day. Since I posted Broken Streak, detailing my lack of writing, I’ve written poetry off and on. This is from last night.

It’s late,

It’s late.

Did I waste the day?

Some would say yes

to an extent I would agree

But I spent time

with someone who

Is important to me.

So, yes,

It’s late,

It’s late!

I have so little time

Left today.

But I enjoyed the time

I had today,

even if perhaps

Some of it

could have been

Put to better use.

Past Poems (August)

All the poems I have here were written in August in previous years. Each is the first poem I wrote that August.

Welcome to the Movie Theater

31 August 2013

The midnight atmosphere,

Hardly any light.

The expected brightness

being processed instantaneously.

Music booming,

Sound-absorbers throbbing,

shocked by the sudden onslaught.

Images appearing magically,

Color-processors reeling,

trying to comprehend the attack.

Then, in surprise, it darkens again,

Leaving behind

a sense of mystery

and excitement

Coupled with

an overpowering feeling

of being full.

A story having been told

before the attendence,

Come to be amazed by

Today’s wonderous, fantastic, dreamlike

Movies.

 

Pretending Mirrors

27 August 2014

It is often easy

for me to

Pretend

that I am

Someone, Something, else…

Then I look

in the Mirror…

And it all comes back to me…

 

Confusing Frustration

9 August 2015

I wonder, why can’t I be stronger,

why can’t it take longer for

tears to overtake me,

to drown me,

to pull me away from control over myself?

 

Another Trip to Holiday World

6 August 2016

Up, down, all around

these mem’ries swirl

around me.

Soon I’ll relive

a few of them

with new friends that

surround me.

The Apocalypse of Irqulnirn

I am currently writing a short story that may become a novelette set on Irqulnirn after an apocalypse. It actually inspired the creation of quarzyls.

This is the historical background for the piece. Some of the details are incomplete at this time and require more worldbuilding.

Irqulnirn is dependent upon quarzyls’ life-giving and creating abilities, because of its distance from N’Zembe. This is common knowledge among Irqulnirn’s inhabitants, yet not often are its full implications considered.
The quarzyls live throughout Irqulnirn, nourishing the soil and assisting in the growth of plants and sometimes animals. However, a large concentration of them live in the country of Arziki, creating a greater level of prosperity there than anywhere else on the planet.
Jealousy sparked in the hearts of the other peoples, and they decided to band together and attack Arziki. The quarzyls from elsewhere gathered in Arziki with their fellow quarzyls. The quarzyls, despite preferring small groups, began building all around Arziki’s borders with magic-resistant stone mined from their country and nearby lands. They built a wall two hundred and fifty feet tall, five feet wide.
As soon as the wall was tall enough to block the quarzyl’s magic, Irqulnirn began to suffer. All the other species began to die from starvation and suffocation. The plants helped regulate Irqulnirn’s atmosphere and temperature. Now without them, there was no hope or possibility for life outside of Arziki.
The quarzyls had not thought through the results of their actions, not fully realizing how dependent Irqulnirn truly was on their magic. The other species did not realize this either.
Over time, after those first quarzyls had died and several generations passed, everyone forgot about life before the walls. Life with other species. Life elsewhere on Irqulnirn. The people were content, lacking nothing, creating all they could ever want or need. However, their true purpose had been lost. They had killed their planet and all those who depended on them. Those they were meant to protect and nourish were killed at the hands of those who made their lives possible on this far away planet.
One small green speck exists on Irqulnirn when viewed from space. Eventually, it too will cease, once Irqulnirn drifts too far from N’Zembe for even the quarzyls to live.