Recent Events

My boyfriend broke up with me.

This was my first ever relationship and it lasted more than a year. We became best friends.

He didn’t end the relationship because of any sort of betrayal or because we didn’t work, he wasn’t/isn’t sure if he wants to be with me long-term. We both felt horrible during the breakup, crying and comforting each other.

We mutually agreed we wanted to stay friends, but also that we needed some space to think about things.

That was just this last Monday, three days ago.

I feel surprisingly okay, better than I expected for only three days. I wouldn’t say I’m “over” the breakup in any sense, but I’m not on the verge of bursting into tears at random thoughts of him either.

We both want to stay friends, and it may be a bit strange and awkward at first to not be a couple. I’m sure we can figure it out, though. This may not be what I expected or thought I wanted, but maybe I’ll be surprised and it’ll be better than I could hope.

I don’t know what the future holds, but I plan to welcome it.

Past Poems (September)

Similar to the July and August installments of this series, I will be sharing poems I wrote in September of previous years.

To Protect

2 September 2013

Why?

These series of events,

Unfortunately mine?

Disheartening though they may seem,

Are only the surface emotion.

The truth

Lies beneath.

Inside my medieval castle.

Go over the moat,

through the outer wall,

Across the outer courtyard.

One is lucky to get this far,

for never is one through the inner wall,

To see the inner courtyard.

No one is ever invited

To my banquets,

In the protected and heavily guarded

Castle.

It contains what is not meant to be seen,

The secrets that lie within,

That I went to such lengths

To protect.

~~~~~

Not Soccer

4 September 2014

Tired, aching muscles

complaining loudly with

Every movement.

A sign that I

Worked hard,

Pushed myself.

This pain is my reward

for not exercising

After the soccer season ended.

But this was a

different kind of workout entirely.

Martial arts, jujitsu, grappling,

not Soccer.

~~~~~

Chocolate Blues

10 September 2015

Chocolate is awesome

at every time of day,

Chocolate is awesome

no matter the way —

Dark, milk, or white,

Chocolate is awesome

to replace the mundane

Chocolate is always the answer,

or I wish it was.

How sorry I feel for those

who can never know this love.

~~~~~

Procrastinating with Relationships

2 September 2016

Too long I’ll be gone

I’m wasting my time.

What am I doing with my life?

I have things to do,

Assignments to complete,

But instead I’m here with you

Making my feet ache.

~~~~~

The Notes to Fell Nosferatu

1 September 2017

The music played and wove along,

The witch controlled it with her wand.

She hummed along enjoying her song

on this fateful Tuesday morn.

“Knock, knock!” came a voice from near her door,

and darkness fell over the room.

“It’s us again, darling,” two voices together

as the sound enveloped the room.

The witch’s melody dropped to a whisper,

Lost in the silence of her shock.

And then into the room came the two headed queen,

A nosferatu, though she denied it was the same

as the long-hated vampire.

The witch bowed low to the ground,

careful to not lose control of her sound.

“Your Highness, to what do I owe the pleasure?”

She fought the sarcasm and kept her voice light,

steadying her wand to keep the music out of sight.

“You’ve been charged with treason,

so you’ll be coming with us.

Oh, and don’t put up a fuss,”

she spoke cheerily and smiled sweetly.

“I think not,” the witch said,

bringing the music to a crescendo again.

She brought out the sounds that hurt the queen most,

the nosferatu crumbled and covered her ears.

The music as a weapon would bring an escape!

Why hadn’t the queen thought that the tune might change?

But then in came the guards,

Three surly armed men with plugs in the ears

and swords in their hands.

Eight Months, a Year

Today marks eight months since my boyfriend and I started dating and we’ve known each other for a year. For that reason, here are a couple poems I wrote for him/us in that time.

The last poem, “A Reason to Live and to Love” contains mention of suicidal thoughts.

“I Regret Not Being Rich”

25 July 2018

If I didn’t need money

I wouldn’t have said

That I would work today

But as it is

I do and wish

That wasn’t true

Because I would

Still be with my boyfriend

Instead of walking

For four hours straight

 

“Love Like Fantasy”

7 May 2018

It doesn’t feel real,

it’s too good to be true.

No way is this real life,

you’re too good to be mine.

How did I find you

and get so lucky

for us both to have

fallen so hard in love?

There’s no escape

nor do I wish to find one.

I’m still reveling

in the day to day

the realization that it’s real,

You love me,

I love you.

I’m yours and you’re mine.

But how?

It’s like in the storybooks,

the prince finds the princess

and they fall in love

and seem so perfect for each other.

A match made in heaven.

We fit together so well

and agree on so much,

it’s very much like

we were destined to be!

Adn the crazy coincidence

that led to us meeting at all.

I can’t help but feel

Ours is a love like fantasy

but I’m so glad it’s real.

 

“A Reason to Live and to Love”

10 February 2018

You warm my soul;

I thought I was dead inside

But you bring me back to life.

I was aching and dying

If not already dead

But you brought in a focus that was lighter instead.

The dark night of searching for reasons to live,

You’re on my list of deeply caring friends.

I have so many problems with no solutions in sight

But with you,

More things seem at least alright.